After making sure you all had enough time to wonder about what happened, here's part 2. ;)
My friend had called saying she had been in an accident. She was doing fine, but the car was totaled. Though I was glad she wasn't hurt, my selfish, little self was angry, grumpy, and getting a bad attitude that was turning into a whirlwind. I decided I had to get away from everything and go spend some time with the Lord. I went to a nearby park and sat down on a bench that was surrounded by fresh-smelling evergreen pines, and woodsy shrubs. With tears streaming down my face, I cried out to God... "Lord, I know that you knew all of this was going to happen, and I know that you have a purpose and reason for this. So please change my heart and my attitude." And I sat there in the silence...listening to the nature around me and God working on my heart. When I got up from that bench, peace was abounding in my soul, and dare I say, even splashes of joy. With the understanding that knowing Christ doesn't magically change your situations, but it sure does make them a whole lot easier to endure.
The second thing I "learned" (it was more of a realization than a lesson) was the obsession of worldly things and loves by the teens that I was around. It wasn't that it was surprising, but rather realizing how saddening the reality of such obsessions are. And seeing professing Christians do it, is that much more saddening. I had only one cousin who was on fire for the Lord and was really seeking to do His will. I cannot tell you how blessedly wonderful it was to be able to talk with him about the Lord, and just having that common bond of being in a relationship with Christ. You might think me naive in such a realization. I mean -duh- of course people, especially non-Christians, are going to have those kind of obsessions! But being at home most of the time, and being sheltered from that kind of company, my knowledge of being obsessed with the world seemed more like ideas and thoughts rather than fact. Sort of like head knowledge rather than heart knowledge, ya know? So I came to see the reality of what I believed to be true, and unfortunately, it was very saddening.
Our second week in Mississippi, we went to go visit Mom's side of the family (the first week was Dad's). We went bowling and got to experience a behind-the-scenes-look at the bowling ally. It was neat seeing where your ball disappears to and what happens to the bowling pins when they get knocked down. I also got to feed and pet a semi-tame squirrel-it's pretty awesome seeing God's nature up close! Dad and Mom also took us to the places where they went to college, got married, and went on their honeymoon. It was so cool to see it all and listen to them rehash old, fun-loving memories. They told their recollections so well, that it felt like their memories had become a part of your own. Can there be such a thing as hand-me-down memories? ;)
I had a very incredible encounter with the Lord that second week. I had been reading some books that my Meemaw kept about the rapture, and it made me aware of how short our time is and how precious souls are. It started to get me into a depressing mood, and entry from my journal will tell you why: (Note: You have to understand that I had a bunch of different emotions and feelings welling up inside of me, so some things might not make complete sense.)
I so don't deserve God's love for me! I feel so utterly helpless and useless. The Bible says to let your light shine, but how do I know it's shining??? Am I being transparent in Christ? When people look at me do the see someone who's different of just another person in this deary world? Does not telling every single person I meet about His love mean that I'm not passionate about Christ? How can God use someone like me for the ministry? I'm 18-years old and I have yet to lead one person to Christ! Why does God want to use me?? Isn't there somebody else? I don't know what to do, but to put my trust in Him! I found this verse the other day while reading the Word, and it makes me wonder why I even bother asking such questions. The verse is found in Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord they God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
God was talking to Joshua before he went to conquer the promise land, but those same words spoken so long ago, still hold true for us today. God is still with me, and He will NEVER leave or forsake me. How can I ever doubt Him? So unworthy yet being made qualified for the calling.
I love you Lord,
Tiffany
I was alone in our trailer, and after writing that, I just started praising God, and one of the most beautiful things happened. I could actually feel the Lord's presence. He was right there in front of me enveloping me in His spirit. Oh, I could've stayed there forever. I don't understand how people can deny His existence...
So after the second week, we headed back home and, on the way, stopped in Oklahoma to a visit a friend of Mom's. The only glitch when traveling home was that we didn't have any A/C in the bus, so we basically melted for two days. But we survived and arrived safely at home sweet home. Such bliss to be back in familiar surroundings again...ahhh...if that's how it feels to be home here on earth, what will arriving in heaven be like? :)
And there you have it folks! Summer vacation. Wow. I can't believe how quickly it flew by.
Oh, and a note of warning (in case you haven't already noticed). I'll be very sporadic in my posting for awhile. I did start college this year so it's keepin' me on my toes. But I am enjoying my classes nonetheless (most of them anyways ;)). Your prayers would be appreciated since I tend to let little things get in my way instead of looking at God's big picture. How quickly I forget I'm His. Anywho, thank you all so much my dear and faithful readers! One of these days (I hope) I'll get back to blogging more regularly! :)
Keep strong in the faith!
Pressing On,
Tiffany
